McSweeney's WILL Publish Me, So Help Me God...

I think McSweeney's lists are hilarious. If you don't know about them, do yourself a favor: check out the link and take ten minutes to sample a few.

Anyhow, about a week ago, I decided that I wanted to create my own list and get it published. The first one I wrote was--admittedly--not that funny and got straight up rejected. In hindsight, I was a bit overexcited and hasty. My second effort was a bit more thoughtful. Unfortunately, it too was rejected--bringing my record to 0 and 2. On the bright side, this time, Chris the Listmaster offered the following pseudo-encouraging words:

Hi, Tobias -
This one is fun, but I'm afraid we're not going to use it. Hope you'll keep trying.
Best,
Chris

It's a soft-no, and I'll take it. Mark my words, Chris: I WILL keep trying.

Until then, here's the list that almost made it:

How Four Out of Five Dentists Explain the Fifth Dentist

Dentist One (out of five): “He just loves being difficult.”
Dentist Two (out of five): “This guy is walking proof of how powerful the pro-tooth decay lobby really is.”
Dentist Three (out of five): “I’d ask him what his deal is, but his breath reeks of fish sticks.”
Dentist Four (out of five): “He’s just trying to get back at us for quadruple-teaming his wife.”

More on this story as it develops...