Thursday, March 26, 2009

Groundbreaking Study out of the University of Awesome: Liquor before Beer, You’re in the Clear; Liquor after Beer, You’re in the Clear

The Tyler Durden Paradox

By verbally articulating the rules that govern its existence, is one not violating the first two rules of Fight Club?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Opinion: Too many Americans are at risk of accidentally ‘Plaxico Burressing’ themselves

On November 28, 2008, NFL wide receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while up in the club. The gun he was toting in his sweatpants misfired and tore through skin and muscle in his right thigh. This is certainly a tragedy in and of itself, but as more and more copycat accidents begin to come to light, it seems that this was not just an isolated freak accident but, rather, a disturbing new trend. In fact, on Tuesday a barista at a Starbucks one block from my apartment Plaxico Burressed himself in the leg while on the job.

This is hitting too close to home. Something needs to be done.

I recommend a multifaceted approach to protect Americans from the danger of mistakenly Plaxico Burressing themselves:
  1. Community-level law enforcement needs to step up and look for warning signs. Police should engage all people wearing loose/saggy sweatpants (especially if they are up in the club or making drinks at Starbucks) in order make sure that—if they are strapped—they have their weapon safely secured with the safety turned on.

  2. Congress needs to introduce and pass comprehensive legislation outlining a no-tolerance approach for those who Plaxico Burress themselves in public. Legislation should include a mandatory fine along with a one-year suspension from the NFL and/or Starbucks locations.

  3. The NFL and Starbucks need to join together and launch a “Be Cool: Don’t Plaxico Burress Yourself” advertising campaign aimed at the nation’s youth.

I’m sure there are other things that could be done, too.

The bottom line is that this is America, and we all have the right to rock guns in our sweatpants. We don’t, however, have the right to be in danger of Plaxico Burressing ourselves. After all, if it can happen to Plaxico Burress and a Starbucks barista right down the street, it can happen to you and your loved ones.