Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Do Doodle

Do you doodle? I certainly do.
During a recent conference, I was listening to a presentation entitled "Keeping the Lights On and More--Solutions to Sustainable Energy Challenges." Compelling stuff. As you can see by this first doodle, I was totally into the presentation--so much so that I doodled a rendition of a given day's residential electricity demand curve at the bottom of the conference program.

As the presentation went on, my mind began to wander a bit (as evidenced by my next doodle).

Friday, October 24, 2008

Talking Trash: A Total Garbage Move

A special guest contribution to Toby or Not Toby by Zack Nicaragua

You know what I hate? People who talk trash about other people behind their back.

I mean, I have this friend, Steve Resnick, who constantly does this. Just the other day, he was going on and on to me about one of our mutual friends and how he’s super cheap—always bailing on bar tabs and missing his round. I remember thinking, “Steve! You’re TOTALLY guilty of this! If I had a nickel for every time you’ve said, ‘I’ll get the next one,’ I’d probably have somewhere between eighty-five and ninety-five cents. And even that wouldn’t even come CLOSE to offsetting the cost of all those beers and mai tais I've bought you over the years!”

And the other thing about Steve is that he ALWAYS bails on plans at the last minute. Not two weeks ago, I fronted the money for Vertical Horizon tickets at Constitution Hall only to get a text from Steve TWO HOURS before the show telling me that he’s “not really up for (it)”. Amazing show...

Oh, man, and you should hear this guy eat. Never take him to the movies. You’ll have to put up with two-hours-worth of the most ludicrous chewing sounds you’ve ever heard in your life. Absolutely disgusting.

Steve’s definitely a good wingman though. Back in the day, we used to kill it together at bars. Although there was the one night that I asked him to help me out in snaring Alison Fish. He agreed and then ended up taking her home. We didn’t talk for a while after that. That was really uncool and a pretty low move if you ask me.

In summary, unless you are a person who is totally perfect and has never done anything wrong in your LIFE, I think you should probably think twice about throwing glass in stone houses.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Terrence Howard Trimmed from “Iron Man 2”

CNN is reporting that Terrence Howard, who played James Rhodes alongside Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man, is being replaced by Don Cheadle for Iron Man 2. Howard is apparently confused about the change saying, “It was the surprise of a lifetime.”

I’m thinking that it wouldn’t be such a big surprise if he’d read the script. The first two acts of Iron Man 2 involve weapons mogul Tony Stark, his sidekick James Rhodes (played by Cheadle), and a documentary film crew traveling around the world attempting to raise awareness about the genocide in Darfur by meeting with people who can’t do anything about it. The final act involves Stark making cool modifications to his suit and then flying to Darfur to join the Sudan Liberation Movement so he can fire really awesome weapons at bands of Janjaweed horsemen. Rhodes stays stateside to film commercials promoting the NFL.

This just in: Iron Man 2 producers are reportedly reaching out to George Clooney to reprise the role of Tony Stark.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Simple Math



Friday, October 10, 2008

Number of Americans Raising Their Hands to Their Heads, Faces Hits Record High

NEW YORK, N.Y., October 10, 2008 - Earlier this week, the number of Americans throwing their arms up in the air and allowing their hands to come to rest on their heads and/or faces hit a record high, and experts are predicting that there’s no relief in sight. On Thursday alone, an estimated 675,487 people—in acts of utter anxiety—threw their arms up and brought them down on their heads and/or their faces. The number represents a jump of 480,000 from this time last year.

“We haven’t seen numbers like this since the early 1930s,” said Max Von Engle, a researcher at the American Institute for Frazzled Gestures (AIFG), “People are really stressed out, and their arm and hand positioning is showing it."

The trend seems to be affecting people of all walks of life. Darrell Dawes, a grocery store owner in Ludlow, Kan., feels like he’s had his hands on his head for days. “I mean, what am I gonna do,” he said. “I feel like… I just don’t know what else to do here.”

AIFG can’t say for sure when hands are going to start coming down, but the outlook is pretty bleak. “Things may get worse before they get better,” said Von Engle. “Our research shows that even those who are most inclined to keep their arms at their sides or their hands folded neatly in their laps are beginning to crack.”

For the last sixty years or so, America has been blessed with unmatched command over its collective arm movements and hand resting spots, but for the past few weeks, it’s all been slipping away.

“We can’t lose hope,” said Long Beach, Calif., resident and small business owner Susan Olsen, “We can’t give up on the idea that—in the end—we control our own destiny… and that of our arms and hands."

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Hefner Loses a Lovely

CNN is reporting that Hugh Hefner and one of his three girlfriends, Holly Madison, have broken up.

Holly... Holly...

I can never remember whether she is the blonde one with huge fake sweater kittens, the blonde one with huge fake sweater kittens, or the blonde one with huge fake sweater kittens.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Born too Late?

According to projections made possible by the experts over at, there's a good chance that I would have received the superlative of "Most Popular" (and/or "Best Mustache") at my high school had I had been born 14 years earlier.