Talking Trash: A Total Garbage Move

A special guest contribution to Toby or Not Toby by Zack Nicaragua

You know what I hate? People who talk trash about other people behind their back.

I mean, I have this friend, Steve Resnick, who constantly does this. Just the other day, he was going on and on to me about one of our mutual friends and how he’s super cheap—always bailing on bar tabs and missing his round. I remember thinking, “Steve! You’re TOTALLY guilty of this! If I had a nickel for every time you’ve said, ‘I’ll get the next one,’ I’d probably have somewhere between eighty-five and ninety-five cents. And even that wouldn’t even come CLOSE to offsetting the cost of all those beers and mai tais I've bought you over the years!”

And the other thing about Steve is that he ALWAYS bails on plans at the last minute. Not two weeks ago, I fronted the money for Vertical Horizon tickets at Constitution Hall only to get a text from Steve TWO HOURS before the show telling me that he’s “not really up for (it)”. Amazing show...

Oh, man, and you should hear this guy eat. Never take him to the movies. You’ll have to put up with two-hours-worth of the most ludicrous chewing sounds you’ve ever heard in your life. Absolutely disgusting.

Steve’s definitely a good wingman though. Back in the day, we used to kill it together at bars. Although there was the one night that I asked him to help me out in snaring Alison Fish. He agreed and then ended up taking her home. We didn’t talk for a while after that. That was really uncool and a pretty low move if you ask me.

In summary, unless you are a person who is totally perfect and has never done anything wrong in your LIFE, I think you should probably think twice about throwing glass in stone houses.