Friday, May 22, 2009

Glacéau Announces "Stupid Water"

Glacéau—the maker of Vitamin Water and Smart Water—today announced a new addition to its line of fancy dranks. Stupid Water features the exact same formula as Smart Water with the exception that the electrolytes have been swapped out for salt (35 grams worth in a one-liter bottle).

“We figured that Glacéau owes it to its customers to offer a product that serves as a natural counterbalance to Smart Water,” said Glacéau spokesperson Chim Sandoval, “Stupid Water is that product.”

Glacéau neither confirms nor denies rumors that this summer it will be releasing Toxin Water to serve as a counterbalance to Vitamin Water.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Daniel Snyder Prepares for Second Demonstration of "Powerful Weather Manipulation Device"

REDSKINS PARK, LOUDOUN COUNTY, VA. -- After successfully conducting an initial demonstration in Irving, Texas, Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has announced tentative plans to carry out a second demonstration of what he’s calling a "powerful weather manipulation device".

Built by an elite team of meteorologists, electrical engineers, and mad scientists in the basement of his Potomac, Md., mansion, Snyder says the device has been "improved and amplified" since its May 1 test run. According to sources close to Snyder, the second demonstration will either take place in East Rutherford, N.J., or Willingsboro, N.J.

An Irving, Texas building damaged by the May 1 test of Snyder's weather manipulation device.