Friday, October 10, 2008

Number of Americans Raising Their Hands to Their Heads, Faces Hits Record High

NEW YORK, N.Y., October 10, 2008 - Earlier this week, the number of Americans throwing their arms up in the air and allowing their hands to come to rest on their heads and/or faces hit a record high, and experts are predicting that there’s no relief in sight. On Thursday alone, an estimated 675,487 people—in acts of utter anxiety—threw their arms up and brought them down on their heads and/or their faces. The number represents a jump of 480,000 from this time last year.

“We haven’t seen numbers like this since the early 1930s,” said Max Von Engle, a researcher at the American Institute for Frazzled Gestures (AIFG), “People are really stressed out, and their arm and hand positioning is showing it."

The trend seems to be affecting people of all walks of life. Darrell Dawes, a grocery store owner in Ludlow, Kan., feels like he’s had his hands on his head for days. “I mean, what am I gonna do,” he said. “I feel like… I just don’t know what else to do here.”

AIFG can’t say for sure when hands are going to start coming down, but the outlook is pretty bleak. “Things may get worse before they get better,” said Von Engle. “Our research shows that even those who are most inclined to keep their arms at their sides or their hands folded neatly in their laps are beginning to crack.”

For the last sixty years or so, America has been blessed with unmatched command over its collective arm movements and hand resting spots, but for the past few weeks, it’s all been slipping away.

“We can’t lose hope,” said Long Beach, Calif., resident and small business owner Susan Olsen, “We can’t give up on the idea that—in the end—we control our own destiny… and that of our arms and hands."

1 comment:

Nick said...

Incidentally, the number photos of Americans with their heads resting on desks or standing in front of digital walls depicting falling stock prices with forlorn looks on their faces have risen exponentially.