Product Review: 5-Hour Energy

OH MY GOD!!! Have you tried this stuff!? It’s incredible!!! It’s… It’s… I tried it for the first time last week and it DEFINITELY WORKS!!! At first I just drank half a bottle to avoid the niacin flush, which turns my face all red, but then I started drinking it a bottle at a time and then I found out that you can buy it in bulk in packs of like… like… six or twelve… and sometimes I drink like three a day even though the package says to limit yourself to two… I JUST CAN’T HELP IT!!! I’ve been incredibly productive at work and just buzz around getting things done!!! I guess it’s all of the B vitamin that they pack into this guy… I mean it says that it only has as much caffeine as a “cup of the leading premium coffee.” I wonder what they mean by a “cup of the leading premium coffee…” Are they talking about Starbucks or stuff you make at home? Maybe Maxwell House? Possibly Folgers?! I don’t know!!! But since 5-Hour Energy can only give me as much caffeine as one cup of coffee, I usually supplement each shot with one or two Red Bulls so that I… I… I mean, IT’S INCREDIBLE!!! I feel great and I feel like I’m just burning calories sitting right here at my desk. My feet are tapping; I’m going through piece after piece of Orbitz gum; I’m writing this; I’m on the phone with AT&T settling a problem with my cell phone bill; I’ve got like 75 windows open on my computer!!! There’s this voice in my head that’s just screaming “GO! GO! GO!” And I am GOING!!! I mean… It’s… It’s… AAAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!! I can’t explain it!!! You have to try it!!! GO TRY IT!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!