Inventor Builds Time Machine to Get Supervisor Deliverable He Needed on His Desk "Yesterday"

Area Man Extremely Embarrassed to Ask Attractive Banana Republic Associate if There are Any More Extra Small Stretch Pima Cotton Briefs in the Back

Opinion: I'm Not Scared of the Dark

I'm not sure who got this rumor going, but it's not true.

I'm NOT scared of the dark!

Don't get me wrong, there have been times in my life when I've been spooked, and--yes--some of those times have involved darkness, but it's completely unfair to make sweeping statements about what I am and am not scared of.

There are certainly dicey things out there in the dark, such as: robbers, murderers, ghouls, and things to trip over. I AM scared of those things, but not the darkness in which they reside. Thank you.

"Excuse me, sir..."

When members of the Greenpeace Street Team stop me on the street to ask me if I have a minute to talk about the environment, I like to ask them if they have a minute to talk about model airplanes.

From the Department of Redundancy Department

This ATM machine is "out of service (will not dispense cash)". My question is: Will it continue to dispense Jujyfruits and SuperBalls? Further, how can one make a deposit with the screen covered up?

I said "ATM machine" on purpose (see entry title).

Drew Brees Glad Son was 'Earmuffed' When He Exclaimed, "I can't believe we won the fucking Super Bowl!"

Thick or Thin?

The New York Times is catching some flack for two of its recent blog entries calling out “Mad Men” actress Christina Hendricks for looking “big” at the Golden Globes on Sunday. The Times also (inadvertently) ran an altered photo of Hendricks that made her look a bit thick. I’m surprised that there hasn't been similar outcry over recent comments regarding Philip Seymour Hoffman's slenderness.