Kansas Man Glad He Wasn’t There for Coworker Reenacted Story Ending with “Guess you’d have to be there”

Overland Park, KAN., Feb. 13, 2009 – Software engineer Ken Riesling is really glad that he wasn’t at coworker Stu Templeton’s house last night for charades. This morning, in Riesling’s office, Templeton provided a 35-minute recap of the evening, highlighted by a story about how his neighbor's wife had to act out “integrity.”

“It was hilarious,” said an animated Templeton, “She was marching around the room with this stern look on her face. She had no clue what to do! People were shouting, ‘Soldier! Parade! Uh… Superman!’ So funny! She was totally hung out to dry. And, man, did she get frustrated. We all just cracked up until the buzzer went off. It was like… Man… Guess you’d have to be there.”

At press time, Riesling expressed concern that he was going to have to stay late tonight to catch up on some work, which he later admitted is not too big a deal since he doesn’t have any plans for the evening or--for that matter--the weekend.

Favre: "No matter what happens, nobody will ever be able to take away that magical season where I almost led the Jets to the playoffs."

College Student Orders Shots Using Parent-Funded "Emergency" Credit Card

Bird Scientists Continue to Develop Technology to Prevent Airplane Strikes

Dr. Drake Quacksworth at the Orlando Migratory Institute (OMI) is a pioneer in airplane deterrent techniques.

OMI scientists develop strategies and new technologies to frighten airplanes out of birds' paths.

Construction Worker Accidentally Admits to Having Seen "Brokeback Mountain"

SCHAUMBURG, ILL., Feb. 9, 2009 – This past Friday, construction worker Brennan O’Malley accidentally admitted to his coworkers that he has seen the film Brokeback Mountain—director Ang Lee’s Oscar-winning tale of forbidden cowboy man-love. The shocking revelation came during the crew’s lunch break as they discussed Heath Ledger’s impressively unsettling turn as the Joker in 2008’s The Dark Night. O’Malley submitted to his coworkers that while Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker was—in fact—Oscar-worthy, it was "nothing compared to the depth and emotional subtlety he showed as Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain."

“I always knew there was something off about O’Malley,” said coworker Nick Fleming. “I mean, us guys pack our lunch pails every day and this kid drives off for 40 minutes looking for the nearest Cosi… or Panera Bread."

According to O'Malley: "I mean, yeah, I've flipped past it on HBO a couple times... and once it was on in the background at my friend Antoine's house, but I haven't seen it start to finish. I've mostly just heard about how good Ledger was in it."

In the wake of the admission, O’Malley’s coworkers have noticed that he seems to be going out of his way to point out even the most vaguely impressive physical features of women passing by the site.

I Guess That Means He's a Fan

My good buddy Bill’s son, Henry, was born on December 17. I decided that an appropriate gift would be a bib celebrating the awesomeness of our Alma mater—Marquette University. Bill’s wife, Abby, reports that within minutes of putting it on, Henry put it to use.

Facebook Celebrates Its Fifth Birthday

THE INTERNET, Feb. 5, 2009 - Yesterday, Facebook—the Web’s largest social networking site—celebrated its fifth birthday.

After skipping out of work early, Facebook met up with MySpace, Bebo, and LinkedIn for happy hour. They cranked half-price Miller Lites and enjoyed a “Friday's Pick Three for All” appetizer platter at T.G.I. Friday’s before heading over to Fuddruckers for some burgers. Later, they popped back over to T.G.I. Friday’s to check out the scene. MySpace bought a round of SoCo Limes, which resulted in Bebo throwing up. After gaining some courage from a round of Red Bull Vodkas, the group unsuccessfully tried to move in on a table of college coeds who weren’t really feeling it. At the end of the night—after spending 45 minutes in the cold waiting for cabs—the group said its goodnights. Facebook crashed at MySpace’s place, and LinkedIn had to take care of Bebo.

This morning, the gang spent the first hour of their respective workdays posting/tagging pictures and aggressively writing on walls about how awesome Facebook’s birthday was.