GM Employs Alternative Recovery Strategy

Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2008 – The office of Senate Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs Ranking Member Richard Shelby (R-AL) has confirmed that on Friday—as the senator walked out of the Hart Senate Office Building—General Motors President and CEO Rick Wagoner approached him and asked for some spare change. Initial reports indicate that Wagoner was dressed in an old coat, wearing a costume beard, and smoking a cigarette butt that he had found on the ground. The suspicious senator asked what he needed change for—at which time Wagoner rattled off a shaky story about needing to scrape together enough money to buy a bus ticket to visit his sick cousin up in Baltimore.

Photo Caption Contest

Drop a witty caption for this photo in the comments by 11:59 p.m. eastern time on Thursday, December 18.

The best one will win a $20 gift certificate to Amazon.com. It's that simple, people.

Photo courtesy of the lovely Natalie.

O.J. Simpson Sentenced to Prison for Something Other Than Killing Two People

See the incredible true story at SI.com.

Illinois Governor Blagojevich is Taken into Custody

CHICAGO, Ill., Dec. 9, 2008 - According to state law enforcement officials, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich has been taken into federal custody. Though the exact reason for his detainment remains unknown, a source within the U.S. Attorney’s office for the state's Northern District says that the office’s director, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, has been asking a lot of questions lately about how Gov. Blagojevich “gets his hair to swoop like that.”

I Wish It Were Sunday Because That's My Funday, An I-Don't-Have-to-Run Day

Nothing says "I may have had a bit too much to drink yesterday while watching three consecutive football games" like forgetting to wear a belt to work on Monday (the one day out of the week that you regularly meet with your organization's CEO).

New Jersey Scientist Discovers Life on Mars

PASSAIC, N.J., Dec. 5, 2008 - Earlier this week, while cruising through his extensive catalogue of TiVoed-but-yet-to-be-watched programs, Passaic, N.J., physiologist Eugene Melowictz discovered ABC’s television series Life on Mars. After watching the first episode of the sci-fi/crime drama, which originally aired Oct. 9, Melowictz was reportedly hooked.

“It’s really, really good. Kind of weird, but really good,” Melowictz told a coworker the day after his discovery. “And Harvey Keitel is awesome. I'll probably be able to watch the rest of the episodes in the next few days here and be caught up by the weekend.”

Most of Melowictz's colleagues expressed tempered excitement about his discovery as well as concern that he may be a very sad, very lonely man.

Source: President-elect Obama Finalizes Cabinet Selection and Installation Timeline

CHICAGO, Ill., Dec. 2, 2008 – After two weeks of unenthusiastic exchanges with his wife, Michelle, and several conversations with Washington D.C.-area contractors, President-elect Barack Obama has finalized his cabinet selection and installation timeline.

“We’re going to go with cinnamon birch,” said the president-elect as he walked to a car outside his Chicago transition office. “The doors will be Roman arched veneer with recessed panels. Michelle and I are thrilled.”

A source within the Obama transition team says the chosen contractor will be visiting the White House just a few days after the Obama family’s move-in, and the project should be completed by President’s Day.

An artist's rendition of the president-elect's cabinet selection.