Report: Women are Not Getting Enough Vitamin D

A very important and prestigious medical journal recently released a study finding that most women in the U.S. are not getting enough Vitamin D. Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to such illnesses as breast cancer, heart disease, and multiple sclerosis.

In order to increase awareness of this possibly growing problem, I took to the streets of Washington D.C. with a fanny pack full of Vitamin D supplement samples. On a Saturday night, I decided to walk up and down 18th Street in the hopping Adams Morgan neighborhood of D.C. (during prime bar hours). My mission: to let the women of D.C. know that they need more Vitamin D (and that I have some for them—for FREE). Unexpectedly, I got a lot of pushback. I don’t know if D.C. women are in denial about their inadequate Vitamin D intake, but they certainly weren’t receptive to my offer.

Here are some snippets of my interactions:

“Excuse me; did you know that you’re probably not getting enough Vitamin D?”
“Ewww… Get away from me…”

“Pardon me, honey; how would you like some free Vitamin D? I’ve got some right here.” (*Pointing to fanny pack*)
“Gross…”

“Good evening. How would you like some Vitamin D tonight?”
“I’m going to pass.”
“I’m thinking about your breasts.”
“What?!”
“Vitamin D will keep them healthy… I…”
“Leave me alone.”
“But I’ve got some right here…” (*Reaching into fanny pack*)
“She said leave her alone, man!”

Eventually, the gentleman-suitor of one of the women I approached decided to attack me. He punched me in the ear and I had to take a cab home. I guess no good deed goes unpunished.

Batman: Superhero or Turkish City?

CNN is reporting that the city of Batman in southeastern Turkey is planning to sue Dark Night director Christopher Nolan for using its name without permission. The city—situated near the banks of the Batman River (in the Batman Province)—claims that it owns the rights to the name. No word yet on whether the Turkish cities of Superman, Daredevil, or High School Musical 3: Senior Year plan on pursuing similar lawsuits.

Product Review: 5-Hour Energy

OH MY GOD!!! Have you tried this stuff!? It’s incredible!!! It’s… It’s… I tried it for the first time last week and it DEFINITELY WORKS!!! At first I just drank half a bottle to avoid the niacin flush, which turns my face all red, but then I started drinking it a bottle at a time and then I found out that you can buy it in bulk in packs of like… like… six or twelve… and sometimes I drink like three a day even though the package says to limit yourself to two… I JUST CAN’T HELP IT!!! I’ve been incredibly productive at work and just buzz around getting things done!!! I guess it’s all of the B vitamin that they pack into this guy… I mean it says that it only has as much caffeine as a “cup of the leading premium coffee.” I wonder what they mean by a “cup of the leading premium coffee…” Are they talking about Starbucks or stuff you make at home? Maybe Maxwell House? Possibly Folgers?! I don’t know!!! But since 5-Hour Energy can only give me as much caffeine as one cup of coffee, I usually supplement each shot with one or two Red Bulls so that I… I… I mean, IT’S INCREDIBLE!!! I feel great and I feel like I’m just burning calories sitting right here at my desk. My feet are tapping; I’m going through piece after piece of Orbitz gum; I’m writing this; I’m on the phone with AT&T settling a problem with my cell phone bill; I’ve got like 75 windows open on my computer!!! There’s this voice in my head that’s just screaming “GO! GO! GO!” And I am GOING!!! I mean… It’s… It’s… AAAAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!! I can’t explain it!!! You have to try it!!! GO TRY IT!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Who Said it: A Three-toed Sloth or Sloth from the 1985 film 'The Goonies'?

1. “Hey, you guys!"
2. “Ahh-eeee!”
3. “Sloth!”
4. “Aaaaaahhhhhhh!”
5. “Sloth love Chunk!”
6. “Rocky… road?”
7. “Eeee-Ahh-eeee!”
8. “Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!”
9. “Ahh… Ay! Ay!”

Three-toed Sloth: 2, 7, 9
Sloth from the 1985 film The Goonies: 1, 3, 5, 6, 8
Both: 4

I Do Doodle

Do you doodle? I certainly do.

During a recent conference, I was listening to a presentation entitled "Keeping the Lights On and More--Solutions to Sustainable Energy Challenges." Compelling stuff. As you can see by this first doodle, I was totally into the presentation--so much so that I doodled a rendition of a given day's residential electricity demand curve at the bottom of the conference program.

As the presentation went on, my mind began to wander a bit (as evidenced by my next doodle).

Talking Trash: A Total Garbage Move

A special guest contribution to Toby or Not Toby by Zack Nicaragua

You know what I hate? People who talk trash about other people behind their back.

I mean, I have this friend, Steve Resnick, who constantly does this. Just the other day, he was going on and on to me about one of our mutual friends and how he’s super cheap—always bailing on bar tabs and missing his round. I remember thinking, “Steve! You’re TOTALLY guilty of this! If I had a nickel for every time you’ve said, ‘I’ll get the next one,’ I’d probably have somewhere between eighty-five and ninety-five cents. And even that wouldn’t even come CLOSE to offsetting the cost of all those beers and mai tais I've bought you over the years!”

And the other thing about Steve is that he ALWAYS bails on plans at the last minute. Not two weeks ago, I fronted the money for Vertical Horizon tickets at Constitution Hall only to get a text from Steve TWO HOURS before the show telling me that he’s “not really up for (it)”. Amazing show...

Oh, man, and you should hear this guy eat. Never take him to the movies. You’ll have to put up with two-hours-worth of the most ludicrous chewing sounds you’ve ever heard in your life. Absolutely disgusting.

Steve’s definitely a good wingman though. Back in the day, we used to kill it together at bars. Although there was the one night that I asked him to help me out in snaring Alison Fish. He agreed and then ended up taking her home. We didn’t talk for a while after that. That was really uncool and a pretty low move if you ask me.

In summary, unless you are a person who is totally perfect and has never done anything wrong in your LIFE, I think you should probably think twice about throwing glass in stone houses.

Terrence Howard Trimmed from “Iron Man 2”

CNN is reporting that Terrence Howard, who played James Rhodes alongside Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man, is being replaced by Don Cheadle for Iron Man 2. Howard is apparently confused about the change saying, “It was the surprise of a lifetime.”

I’m thinking that it wouldn’t be such a big surprise if he’d read the script. The first two acts of Iron Man 2 involve weapons mogul Tony Stark, his sidekick James Rhodes (played by Cheadle), and a documentary film crew traveling around the world attempting to raise awareness about the genocide in Darfur by meeting with people who can’t do anything about it. The final act involves Stark making cool modifications to his suit and then flying to Darfur to join the Sudan Liberation Movement so he can fire really awesome weapons at bands of Janjaweed horsemen. Rhodes stays stateside to film commercials promoting the NFL.

This just in: Iron Man 2 producers are reportedly reaching out to George Clooney to reprise the role of Tony Stark.